Everyone has bad days- even terrible, horrible, no good ones. They creep up on us while we are caught off guard in our "happy-place." Here we are enjoying life like a giant bowl of candy, full of Snickers and Three Musketeers, and somehow we let a piece of black licorice enter our mouths and that just ruins the whole palate! And then, to our dismay, we realize we ate all the yummy chocolate bars and are left with the said detested licorise and un-chewable Milk Duds. So yesterday was my black-licorice-kind-of-day.
It started off ok enough. I didn't do aaaanything I needed to get done before work at noon, so that left me somewhat frazzled and distraught. However, the trains were working out in my favor and despite my late start I had five minutes to spare once getting to work! A plus. As the day went on, nothing of importance happened. I answered phones and let down the usual number of costumers looking for a reservation on Saturday, telling them the earliest we had available was truthfully 11:30PM. I even had a nice fifteen minute break that allowed me to have a zesty mouthful of chicken! Say yes to the protein! But alas, the day was about to make a rapid change for the worst.
It was about a half an hour before I was about to leave for work, when a server approached me, asking to call downstairs and find out if his table could have a different one; they didn't like being in the back. I made the call, and my friend in charge answered, telling me something to the affect of, "They're a freakin' walk in. They can go down to the bar and wait for another 10 -15 minutes if they don't like that table." So I turned to the server, thinking he would get a real kick out of it, especially since he is such a comical and sassy man. That was when I directly quoted her, word for word, "freakin'" and all. Of course, as soon as I said this, the server turned to three gentlemen that somehow crowded near unobserved by MOI and he rapidly apologized to them. He then basically rephrased what I said, but in kinder, more rhetorical terms. It wasn't until the server left with the gentlemen that the horror crept into my face and I realized, that yes, I practically said that to a customer, since they most definitely overheard me. Not only was I rude, but I quoted someone else whom I respect and admire, and the possibility of getting her in trouble made my heart beat like a rat's- like a fat, dirty, rat's. I felt like the biggest, stupidest loser on the planet! Stupidest, idiotic-ist, dumbest dumb...person.
The server apparently sat them right away at a different table to cease an upset and appease the gentleman whom I indirectly told off. Afterwards, he reprimanded me with intervals of laughter, saying things like: "You should have seen your face," and "Don't worry. I've done worse. Much worse." Maybe he had, but that still didn't make me feel any better. I didn't realize it was THAT table approximately two feet from my mouth until AFTER the server turned 60 degrees and spoke to their faces. Oh my GOSH this put me in a real distorted funk! I wanted to crawl in a hole and rot there.
Ok, so after that fiasco, I jet out of there at 8pm. As I'm walking, I realized I made a Dr's appointment for myself on Long Island, thinking I would be free today. But of course, I had work, so I missed and forgot about that appointment entirely! I had to call and apologize for, again, being a dumbass. Now I'm waiting for the subway, writing down all my obsessive thoughts of the last forty-five minutes. I feel like I have to. I'm consumed by them and will be ruled by them until I flesh them out on paper. By the time the subway came, I saw an available non-crowded row of orange seats and sat down to finish my writing. "It's wet," I hear a girl state next to me. I sit up, and the entire butt-area of my coat is covered in a sticky and sweet frappachino of sorts. I wanted to cry right then and there. Some woman in bizzaro large, black glasses hands me a crumpled kleenex that I accepted like it was The Body of Christ. I thank her, blinking back water from my mascara-ed lashes, as I wipe ferociously at my jacket.
As I finally arrive to my stop, I'm walking up the stairs and hear my text-message alarm ring. I look and see a friend of mine, whom I haven't seen in a long time, sent me a text. She's waiting for me near the movie theatre. I want to pound my head against the brick wall. You don't understand: take my head, and physically break the adjacent brick layers solely with the hardness of my cranium. How could I forget that we agreed on meeting each other in the village tonight? HOW!? I had to respond saying a plethora of sorries and "I somehow forgot's." All of these are true, but it doesn't make the situation less lame. I could tell through her one response that she wasn't happy with me. And what killed me even more was that I wasn't in the least bit happy with me either. I just felt incompetent and like a complete screw up.
By the time I arrived alone in my apartment, various upsetting events were swimming through my bloodstream. My shoulders felt permanently plastered by my ear lobes. My heart, lungs, biceps and gut were all being crowded into small boxes, making me feel uneasily tight and unable to escape. I was trapped in my own sorrow of unfortunate events. Of course it was then that I remembered I offered to cover someone on Christmas Eve, forcing me to do a double. I figured I might as well help someone else out for the holiday, since I wouldn't be able to see my family until late Christmas night, regardless. Now I was really in a state of ultimate HUM-BUG. It wasn't until I looked online at a bus schedule that I realized this evening could indeed get worse. I was planning on attending my brothers 2nd to last a cappella show since he's a senior in college. Even though I miraculously swapped my shift with the earliest one possible specifically to see my brother, I realized I still wouldn't make it in time. There was no way I could get to Albany by 6pm when I'd be let out at 4pm. That was the final straw that broke the camel's back. I let all the negative thoughts and actions of the day pile on my chest and crack my ribs one at a time with their weight.
It couldn't be delayed any longer. I had to call my momma. It was at that stage where everything seemed to be going wrong and all positives had dissipated.
Nevertheless all was actually resolved and my mood lightened after some time. I talked to zee mom, got a good hard cry out of the deal and felt like tomorrow would be a better day. It could only go up...right?
And today was better...
I did find out that my family would wait to celebrate Christmas with me until the 26th of December. I have off the 26th and the 27th in a row, so that way, my mom told me, "You won't miss Christmas. Besides, it wouldn't be Christmas without you." So at least I'll be "Home for Christmas," after all. I'm usually a big stickler for celebrating any holiday on the actual day, but I am extremely touched and relieved that my immediate family is allowing this to happen. It just wouldn't be Christmas without THEM.
So as they say, it can always be worse. And luckily, it hasn't gotten worse...(knock on wood.)
ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!
X0X0
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