I'm a little disgruntled. In retrospect, work tonight wasn't so bad, but much to my fault, I was letting the little things bubble into a bothersome brew.
While I was walking around work, a man named Joe C wanted me to seat him. He was very intent on getting my attention. Every time I walked by it was the same smile and compliment. I'm sorry I'm not here to try and flirt with you in front of your family, thanks. Plus, your fuzzy rudolph sweater and adidas, neon-lined jogging pants do not sweeten the deal, if there ever was a deal to sweeten. At any rate, their name was finally ready to be called. One of the other hostesses who was originally assigned to call him, resisted, complaining how creepy he was. I sighed and decided to just do it for her. I went over, and the family jumped up for joy, quite literally. The infamous Joe C practically took me in his arms and bear hugged me. It was a tad awkward to say the least. As I showed them to their table he gave me a wink, which I returned with an uncomfortable, shaky smile. Later, upon passing the table, I get a, "Ey." I looked up to Joe C nodding at me. He again states, "Ey," with, "You," to clarify, followed by, "I like you, lady. I like you." Do men really think this is polite? Never mind polite, but even affective?
Another example of today: I was walking through the ever-so-crowded bar, just like every other host does two-hundred times a night. I was guiding a family to their table, stating the usual, "Pardon me." "Excuse me," as I walked by. Apparently, I brushed up behind some man in order to squeeze my party through, who then retorted, "Oh it's OK, baby. I like it." What? Really? Do you think that's going to get you a table faster, because it's not. Also, do you think I am going to respond in ANY other way besides a disgusted look as I quicken my pace away from you? Most women I know do NOT like being talked to like that. How these men have wives really puzzles me to no end. Were they just as sleezy when the whole dating process was going on, or did they go through a detox for six months before the wedding? Or were they just desperate? Or dare I say it...these women are in love...with them...somehow?
While we're on the subject of love, I want to elucidate that I do believe in it. I can be a romantic, with strong underlying tones of realism. Love is what makes this world go round, regardless what level we're talking about here. It could be a more generalized love towards all humanity or a passionate, intensified love for a significant other, or it could be smack dab in the middle, without a real rating in sight. I really couldn't care less what kind of love you visualize when the word is used. What I do care about, is its existence, in all forms. Don't get me wrong. There is evil. There is hate, but love as trite as it sounds, has, "The power to heal," and, "To open doors." Perhaps the reason these sayings are deemed trite pertains to the conclusion that they are true, and therefore shouldn't be disregarded so hastily.
At any rate, I believe in love and dating and all that jazz, but the words baby, honey, sweetheart, and darlin' should not be used unless you are my boyfriend or my gay boyfriend. That is it. (Well, family can use those terms too. I like it when my grandma calls me sweetheart.) As far as the touching goes, it comes along with trust. Your friends can lay a hand on your shoulder or hug the stuffing out of ya because they've earned your trust. If I don't know you, at all, then why do you feel the need to touch me? Of course the exception is when theatre is involved: auditions, rehearsals and performances.
And let's get one thing clear as crystal. I moved to the city for me. I did not move here to find love, to find fame, to have sex, or to discover glory. I came here to help shape myself. I want to be open. I want different ideas, different cultures, different styles, different books, different places, different experiences, different theatre, all stemming from different people, infiltrated into my life. If money comes along with that, so be it. If, from one of those people, love is created, either through passion or through friendship, that is absolutely wonderful. Nevertheless, I did not come here to find myself. I came here to create myself, and for me, I'm just starting to discover the difference.
xoxo
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